As the time went by, the bee become engaged in little conversation to the flower. It started to grow as friendship, though there are some tug-of-war (Flower became angry with the bee), in the end they are still friend. At that time, there was a guardian bee for the flower and the bee also had just been demoted from a guardian to a fighter bee.
The moment come when it's time for all bees to went away and flower to fly with the wind. The bee suddenly feels that it lacks something. It wanted to fly away with the flower which already had its guardian bee. That was unexplainable feelings. But due to some circumstances, the bee was not able to fly along with the flower.
They were separated since then...
During the separation, the bee could look at a memento that was left behind by the flower on request. The bee could also sometimes be reminded of all the acts, expressions and smiles of the flower. Some of the time, during some gathering, the bee could also find some news regarding that beautiful flower, how was she doing, how did the guardian angle treat her and etc., though the bee couldn't find much.
At that time, there was a technology called the express messaging. The bee used to open that software, looking at the profile of the flower, wondering why she's off the line every time. Then, the bee remembered that the flower once asked the bee to send the flower all the nice song that it had during their early days. At that time, it coincides with the released of a new song by a superstar. So the bee just posted the news. Suddenly, the flower turn on the line and asked about it. It was probably just coincidence but who cares. It was a beautiful feelings. and through time the bee would do such a thing just to entice the flower and have a short conversation.
Around two years after the separation...
Then come the end of year breaks and the flower flew with the December wind back to its original location. There was one chat moment that the bee remembered that was when the flower got a stomach pain. At that time, the bee was asking how she's doing and whether she was having fun meeting old friends. The bee found out that the flower spend most of the time helping its parents. That was one memory.
Another memory which was rather regrettable one was during the february wind which supposedly would took the flower back to its guardian angel and transited through the bee's current location.
That was the moment that the bee was anticipating so much. That was the moment that caused all the nervous system to run high. But maybe because of that, the bee missed the moment. The bee forget that the flower needed to be picked up. It was also because there was an assumption that everybody knows how to went out of the "drop-off" place. All day long, the bee was thinking whether it should catch an express transport to fetch the flower. But later after a few consideration, the bee didn't go. The bee is still wondering whether those considerations are correct or not. The bee regretted it even until now. All it can do at that time, was accompanying the flower though a short-message and express messaging.
But before the farewell message was sent, the flower promised to let the bee sees its face through a new technology called camera-viewing (CV).
Since then, the amount of express messaging has been increasing slowly. The bee would asked for the promised that was made as it missed the flower so much. But it was until quite a while when she decided to let the bee sees her. The amount of happiness, excitement and enthusiasm has been so great that time that the bee found himself unable to come out with a topic and just laughing and smiling. It was so good to see the flower again, thought the bee. It lasted only a while as there was no more topic to say. There was a small disappointment on the bee side as it asked itself, "why couldn't he capitalized on that?"
I think it was a few weeks after that, that the bee received a news from the flower that the flower and its guardian bee has separated as in on its own. The streams of feeling comes towards the bee. It was sad at first as the bee was worried that it could hurt the flower so deeply. But later, the feeling of happiness also comes as the bee thought that this could mean its his turned to prove himself. All that feeling just come suddenly that this is the time, this is the time.
The bee started slowly and surely. The bee realized that if it were to win her, it might just take a few months or else, he would never be able as the competition might start building up.
A while after that day, the bee would have to went to a place following the June's wind. Upon arriving at the other place, the bee has to go to several places as a trip till night. At night, the bee would sometimes borrow the express messaging from its friend's house just to know how the flower was doing and release all the feeling of missing the flower.
The end of June's wind the flew the bee back to its original location where the bee first met the flower.
At that time, the schedule was hectic. The bee would need to do so many things, even worked at night. But i think, the bee has talk to the flower almost everyday, maybe there was a miss in some of the day due to the unavailability of the flower or vice versa.
During that period, it was July that the bee first feel the disappointment. It was his birthday, though the bee realized that there's nothing going on between the bee and the flower, it was hoping that there will be just a line of sentence saying, "Happy birthday!" which would have made his day complete. But waiting from early morning till night, there was nothing. But soon, the bee could overcome those dissappoinment.
Days has passed regularly and happily. Till one day, i think it was thrusday night or friday early morning that the flower woke up after experiencing a nightmare. The bee then try to relax the flower and pray for her. Then the moment come at saturday morning, when the bee is still working overnight, the flower said she was going to a mountain. Before the bee could say his worry (as she's just having a nightmare, the bee worried it could be an omen), the flower left. The bee was worried all day and praying for her safety. At night, the bee wanted to ask her how is she doing but she left again after saying she's tired. In the middle of the night, the bee opened the flower profile and found out that she had been going out with a guy, who had made him jealous as the bee feel that the guy had an interest to be her guardian angel. That was a very bad moment. The bee could found himself waking up during the night every hour sharp till morning 10 am.
During that period, the bee also remembered that it asked the flower which type of bee, she wanted her guardian bee to be. Because the types mentioned has completely excluded the bee, the bee said he just wanted to be a manager to help the flower find her guardian bee. But later as the time went by, the expectation started to build up. Courage had also been building up. The bee brace himself and say that he got feeling toward the flower. At that time, the flower just smile and asked, "how can it possible?".
The first time the bee truly confessed was before the early September wind flown. Those went unplanned. The feeling suddenly blown up as it was the day before the wind flown. (probably it was the effect of leaving, as the bee was going to leave to another place with the wind)
The three magic words was said. But everything was treated as a joke by the flower. That was another disappointment. The next day, at the "fly-off" point, the bee type short-message to the flower explaining that the bee was not joking at all. I can still remembered that the bee was crying at that time. Upon arriving at KL, the bee found out that the flower was having a bad day. Its because her economics exam's result turn out to be bad. Still the bee forget all the hard feelings and try to comfort her though it was not successful.
Following the wind, the bee arrived at another place again. It spend its time chatting with the flower after arriving, it was till 5 am in the morning according to the flower's time. Then, a few days afterwards was a completely busy days for the bee. Only one time during that busy day period did the bee chatted with the flower. It was quite short but the bee feels good as it can release all its missing.
A few disappointments did occured during the period, beside those disappointments, every other day was a happy and beautiful day. The bee can still remembered the day when the flower was having a cut, it turns out to be bad for her as most of her friend are laughing at her new cut. She came home not in good mood and suddenly sent to the bee two picture of her wearing a white shirt, she did looks like an angel to the bee. Then she sent another picture with her new cut. I don't know why but whenever the bee look at her picture, the bee just thought it is beautiful, no matter what. So the bee just told her what it saw and she felt so happy. That day was a happy day as the bee feels honored to be the guy that she asked opinion to. The bee also feels very happy to have those two angelic picture which the bee still kept.
Time went by, and suddenly the flower become a little bit cold compared to a few months before. It was until the bee sent her a birthday present that her attitude suddenly changed toward more caring. But it only lasted for a week or probably a little bit more. Everything went on unchanged for the next few months. During that period, the bee kept asking himself whether he should call her or not. The bee got her phone number but the bee was too shy to call. The bee also afraid that it would end up not talking anything like the first "camera-viewing" session. One time finally the bee brace up himself to do a simple call but it was not picked up. The second time which was a few days later, was picked up but the conversation end quite short. I really felt the bee is a stupid coward bitch.
Suddenly i remembered the moment when the bee was chatting with the flower and the flower said she is going to be right back. The bee was waiting for four hours then the bee started to think that the flower had forget him. Then the bee ask her. It was clearly as the bee has guessed. But to the disappointment of the bee, she was doing an "internet-call" with another bee who wanted to be her guardian angel. That was another disappointment.
Days went by and towards the end of December, the bee decided to buy the flower a gift as the bee had just received a windfall and thought that it might be appropriate to share it with someone that it likes. It was not an expensive gift, it was a mediocre gift from a share of the windfall. The bee did received it but she was not too happy as the bee can tell from the way she's expressing it. The bee had been having a bad feeling a few days before that day. Feels like the flower has been hiding much more thing than before. The concerns was built up but the bee always prepared for the worst. The worst case scenario at that time was that the flower was going out on a date with the guy that was talking with her on the "internet-calling" before.
The actual turns out even worse and the bee found out from a friend who found out accidentally from another friend. It was 28th December that the bee found out the truth.
It was hurting, yes it hurt so much that the bee can feel as if his heart was sliced by a knife slowly and deeply. The bee didn't know how many tears has been dropped during the month of January. Probably it can make a lake, let alone a river. The day 3rd January was the last day that the bee thought it would think of the flower, the last song that it will sing for her.
Through the month, the bee try various of way just to keep its mind occupied. Jogging, bbq-ing, swimming, movies-ing, out-ing, basketballing, studying, singing, all sorts of activities was done. but it was still unable to forget her. but everything went to waste as the bee still love her so much thought they haven't talked for a month ( some random conversation happened during the month for twice or thrice probably).
Now, it is March. The time when the bee has clear out all his feelings. The month when the flower has said "clearly" that she didn't ever considered the bee as a guardian, it was just an ordinary friend. The bee started to think how it thought the flower's feeling was before. At first day of the chase, the bee thought the flower didn't like her. But as the time went by, the feeling started to build up. Then at some point in time, it decreased significantly until her birthday. It started to grow a bit then declining or rather stable then started to dropped since November and decline even further towards December. Sudden shocks did happen at the end of November or December where the bee thought the flower like him. But later, everything was clear. There was never a grow before, never.
9 March 2010. This date is the end of the pursue, the end of the hope, the end of the story. This short story was written in 2 and half hour continuously. Some omissions, errors, duplications might exist. This is the first draft and the final draft of the story of the bee in the flower field. I closed the book on January because i didn't know how i am going to end it. But now i can stand out of this dark valley which i jumped into thinking that i could fly. I still love you, at least now, but finally, i have the heart to let you go.
Probably the song that i would put as the ending chorus is from Ni De ge (your song) David tao.
This song almost fully depicted how this story start till its end.
Lyric meaning:
like you comforting silence
Smile has won over the sun
I can only give myself in
I suspect my own harsh decision
let the memory become memory
i have decided not to think about it anymore
once you said we are people from different part of the world
how can it possible?
but at that time i believe
as long as i love you
everything is possible
Nothing is impossible
I love you
without a reason
Love you unreasonably
Love you and i can
it's because deep inside my heart
deep inside my heart there's you
My heart still love you
then just let me love you
Oh yeah... just let me...
I can't understand why you didn't speak
I can't enter your heart
as if there's a big wall in front of me
I suspect my harsh actions
is it wrong since the beginning?
i didn't think too much
you once said we are people from two different world
how can it be possible?
but i believe
as long as i love you
everything is possible
nothing is impossible
I love you
without a reason
Love you unreasonably
Love you and i can
it's because deep inside my heart
deep inside my heart there's you
My heart still love you
then just let me love you
Maybe i just dun love you
and i just dun need you
I can't continue,
continue to fool myself
i have to let you go
letting you go but you are still inside of me
I hope he love you more than i do...
Hope he does...
Still your song...
Note : meaning are my own direct translation as what i was thinking when i sang the song. It might not be the same as the literal meaning.
I started the story with Wilber Phan's Zhao Mi, continue with Nothing's Gonna Change my love for you by Khalil fong, Jian dan ai - Jay Chow, Ai hen jian dan - David tao, Ni bu zai - Wang Lee Hom, An Jing - Jay Chow and finally it ended with Ni De Ge by David tao.
~ The End ~
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