Bee In The Flower Field

I don't know when it all started. The day they first met each other was quite a while ago. At that time, the bee was a little, naive, sometimes hyper, pompous and self-interested being. The first glance was just a random, normal glance toward the flower. It was located near the place where the bee looked for honey everyday.

As the time went by, the bee become engaged in little conversation to the flower. It started to grow as friendship, though there are some tug-of-war (Flower became angry with the bee), in the end they are still friend. At that time, there was a guardian bee for the flower and the bee also had just been demoted from a guardian to a fighter bee.

The moment come when it's time for all bees to went away and flower to fly with the wind. The bee suddenly feels that it lacks something. It wanted to fly away with the flower which already had its guardian bee. That was unexplainable feelings. But due to some circumstances, the bee was not able to fly along with the flower.

They were separated since then...

During the separation, the bee could look at a memento that was left behind by the flower on request. The bee could also sometimes be reminded of all the acts, expressions and smiles of the flower. Some of the time, during some gathering, the bee could also find some news regarding that beautiful flower, how was she doing, how did the guardian angle treat her and etc., though the bee couldn't find much.

At that time, there was a technology called the express messaging. The bee used to open that software, looking at the profile of the flower, wondering why she's off the line every time. Then, the bee remembered that the flower once asked the bee to send the flower all the nice song that it had during their early days. At that time, it coincides with the released of a new song by a superstar. So the bee just posted the news. Suddenly, the flower turn on the line and asked about it. It was probably just coincidence but who cares. It was a beautiful feelings. and through time the bee would do such a thing just to entice the flower and have a short conversation.

Around two years after the separation...

Then come the end of year breaks and the flower flew with the December wind back to its original location. There was one chat moment that the bee remembered that was when the flower got a stomach pain. At that time, the bee was asking how she's doing and whether she was having fun meeting old friends. The bee found out that the flower spend most of the time helping its parents. That was one memory.

Another memory which was rather regrettable one was during the february wind which supposedly would took the flower back to its guardian angel and transited through the bee's current location.

That was the moment that the bee was anticipating so much. That was the moment that caused all the nervous system to run high. But maybe because of that, the bee missed the moment. The bee forget that the flower needed to be picked up. It was also because there was an assumption that everybody knows how to went out of the "drop-off" place. All day long, the bee was thinking whether it should catch an express transport to fetch the flower. But later after a few consideration, the bee didn't go. The bee is still wondering whether those considerations are correct or not. The bee regretted it even until now. All it can do at that time, was accompanying the flower though a short-message and express messaging.

But before the farewell message was sent, the flower promised to let the bee sees its face through a new technology called camera-viewing (CV).

Since then, the amount of express messaging has been increasing slowly. The bee would asked for the promised that was made as it missed the flower so much. But it was until quite a while when she decided to let the bee sees her. The amount of happiness, excitement and enthusiasm has been so great that time that the bee found himself unable to come out with a topic and just laughing and smiling. It was so good to see the flower again, thought the bee. It lasted only a while as there was no more topic to say. There was a small disappointment on the bee side as it asked itself, "why couldn't he capitalized on that?"


I think it was a few weeks after that, that the bee received a news from the flower that the flower and its guardian bee has separated as in on its own. The streams of feeling comes towards the bee. It was sad at first as the bee was worried that it could hurt the flower so deeply. But later, the feeling of happiness also comes as the bee thought that this could mean its his turned to prove himself. All that feeling just come suddenly that this is the time, this is the time.

The bee started slowly and surely. The bee realized that if it were to win her, it might just take a few months or else, he would never be able as the competition might start building up.

A while after that day, the bee would have to went to a place following the June's wind. Upon arriving at the other place, the bee has to go to several places as a trip till night. At night, the bee would sometimes borrow the express messaging from its friend's house just to know how the flower was doing and release all the feeling of missing the flower.

The end of June's wind the flew the bee back to its original location where the bee first met the flower.

At that time, the schedule was hectic. The bee would need to do so many things, even worked at night. But i think, the bee has talk to the flower almost everyday, maybe there was a miss in some of the day due to the unavailability of the flower or vice versa.

During that period, it was July that the bee first feel the disappointment. It was his birthday, though the bee realized that there's nothing going on between the bee and the flower, it was hoping that there will be just a line of sentence saying, "Happy birthday!" which would have made his day complete. But waiting from early morning till night, there was nothing. But soon, the bee could overcome those dissappoinment.

Days has passed regularly and happily. Till one day, i think it was thrusday night or friday early morning that the flower woke up after experiencing a nightmare. The bee then try to relax the flower and pray for her. Then the moment come at saturday morning, when the bee is still working overnight, the flower said she was going to a mountain. Before the bee could say his worry (as she's just having a nightmare, the bee worried it could be an omen), the flower left. The bee was worried all day and praying for her safety. At night, the bee wanted to ask her how is she doing but she left again after saying she's tired. In the middle of the night, the bee opened the flower profile and found out that she had been going out with a guy, who had made him jealous as the bee feel that the guy had an interest to be her guardian angel. That was a very bad moment. The bee could found himself waking up during the night every hour sharp till morning 10 am.

During that period, the bee also remembered that it asked the flower which type of bee, she wanted her guardian bee to be. Because the types mentioned has completely excluded the bee, the bee said he just wanted to be a manager to help the flower find her guardian bee. But later as the time went by, the expectation started to build up. Courage had also been building up. The bee brace himself and say that he got feeling toward the flower. At that time, the flower just smile and asked, "how can it possible?".

The first time the bee truly confessed was before the early September wind flown. Those went unplanned. The feeling suddenly blown up as it was the day before the wind flown. (probably it was the effect of leaving, as the bee was going to leave to another place with the wind)
The three magic words was said. But everything was treated as a joke by the flower. That was another disappointment. The next day, at the "fly-off" point, the bee type short-message to the flower explaining that the bee was not joking at all. I can still remembered that the bee was crying at that time. Upon arriving at KL, the bee found out that the flower was having a bad day. Its because her economics exam's result turn out to be bad. Still the bee forget all the hard feelings and try to comfort her though it was not successful.

Following the wind, the bee arrived at another place again. It spend its time chatting with the flower after arriving, it was till 5 am in the morning according to the flower's time. Then, a few days afterwards was a completely busy days for the bee. Only one time during that busy day period did the bee chatted with the flower. It was quite short but the bee feels good as it can release all its missing.

A few disappointments did occured during the period, beside those disappointments, every other day was a happy and beautiful day. The bee can still remembered the day when the flower was having a cut, it turns out to be bad for her as most of her friend are laughing at her new cut. She came home not in good mood and suddenly sent to the bee two picture of her wearing a white shirt, she did looks like an angel to the bee. Then she sent another picture with her new cut. I don't know why but whenever the bee look at her picture, the bee just thought it is beautiful, no matter what. So the bee just told her what it saw and she felt so happy. That day was a happy day as the bee feels honored to be the guy that she asked opinion to. The bee also feels very happy to have those two angelic picture which the bee still kept.

Time went by, and suddenly the flower become a little bit cold compared to a few months before. It was until the bee sent her a birthday present that her attitude suddenly changed toward more caring. But it only lasted for a week or probably a little bit more. Everything went on unchanged for the next few months. During that period, the bee kept asking himself whether he should call her or not. The bee got her phone number but the bee was too shy to call. The bee also afraid that it would end up not talking anything like the first "camera-viewing" session. One time finally the bee brace up himself to do a simple call but it was not picked up. The second time which was a few days later, was picked up but the conversation end quite short. I really felt the bee is a stupid coward bitch.

Suddenly i remembered the moment when the bee was chatting with the flower and the flower said she is going to be right back. The bee was waiting for four hours then the bee started to think that the flower had forget him. Then the bee ask her. It was clearly as the bee has guessed. But to the disappointment of the bee, she was doing an "internet-call" with another bee who wanted to be her guardian angel. That was another disappointment.

Days went by and towards the end of December, the bee decided to buy the flower a gift as the bee had just received a windfall and thought that it might be appropriate to share it with someone that it likes. It was not an expensive gift, it was a mediocre gift from a share of the windfall. The bee did received it but she was not too happy as the bee can tell from the way she's expressing it. The bee had been having a bad feeling a few days before that day. Feels like the flower has been hiding much more thing than before. The concerns was built up but the bee always prepared for the worst. The worst case scenario at that time was that the flower was going out on a date with the guy that was talking with her on the "internet-calling" before.

The actual turns out even worse and the bee found out from a friend who found out accidentally from another friend. It was 28th December that the bee found out the truth.

It was hurting, yes it hurt so much that the bee can feel as if his heart was sliced by a knife slowly and deeply. The bee didn't know how many tears has been dropped during the month of January. Probably it can make a lake, let alone a river. The day 3rd January was the last day that the bee thought it would think of the flower, the last song that it will sing for her.

Through the month, the bee try various of way just to keep its mind occupied. Jogging, bbq-ing, swimming, movies-ing, out-ing, basketballing, studying, singing, all sorts of activities was done. but it was still unable to forget her. but everything went to waste as the bee still love her so much thought they haven't talked for a month ( some random conversation happened during the month for twice or thrice probably).

Now, it is March. The time when the bee has clear out all his feelings. The month when the flower has said "clearly" that she didn't ever considered the bee as a guardian, it was just an ordinary friend. The bee started to think how it thought the flower's feeling was before. At first day of the chase, the bee thought the flower didn't like her. But as the time went by, the feeling started to build up. Then at some point in time, it decreased significantly until her birthday. It started to grow a bit then declining or rather stable then started to dropped since November and decline even further towards December. Sudden shocks did happen at the end of November or December where the bee thought the flower like him. But later, everything was clear. There was never a grow before, never.

9 March 2010. This date is the end of the pursue, the end of the hope, the end of the story. This short story was written in 2 and half hour continuously. Some omissions, errors, duplications might exist. This is the first draft and the final draft of the story of the bee in the flower field. I closed the book on January because i didn't know how i am going to end it. But now i can stand out of this dark valley which i jumped into thinking that i could fly. I still love you, at least now, but finally, i have the heart to let you go.


Probably the song that i would put as the ending chorus is from Ni De ge (your song) David tao.

This song almost fully depicted how this story start till its end.


Lyric meaning:
like you comforting silence
Smile has won over the sun
I can only give myself in
I suspect my own harsh decision
let the memory become memory
i have decided not to think about it anymore
once you said we are people from different part of the world
how can it possible?
but at that time i believe
as long as i love you
everything is possible
Nothing is impossible

I love you
without a reason
Love you unreasonably
Love you and i can
it's because deep inside my heart
deep inside my heart there's you
My heart still love you
then just let me love you

Oh yeah... just let me...

I can't understand why you didn't speak
I can't enter your heart
as if there's a big wall in front of me
I suspect my harsh actions
is it wrong since the beginning?
i didn't think too much

you once said we are people from two different world
how can it be possible?
but i believe
as long as i love you
everything is possible
nothing is impossible
I love you
without a reason
Love you unreasonably
Love you and i can
it's because deep inside my heart
deep inside my heart there's you
My heart still love you
then just let me love you

Maybe i just dun love you
and i just dun need you
I can't continue,
continue to fool myself
i have to let you go
letting you go but you are still inside of me
I hope he love you more than i do...
Hope he does...
Still your song...

Note : meaning are my own direct translation as what i was thinking when i sang the song. It might not be the same as the literal meaning.

I started the story with Wilber Phan's Zhao Mi, continue with Nothing's Gonna Change my love for you by Khalil fong, Jian dan ai - Jay Chow, Ai hen jian dan - David tao, Ni bu zai - Wang Lee Hom, An Jing - Jay Chow and finally it ended with Ni De Ge by David tao.

~ The End ~

Looking For A Blossom in a Flower Fields

alt title: "Mistake in The Flower Fields"

Looking at the vast flower fields,
filled with bees looking for shields
i am the bee for some
looking for a blossom

....
years have this small seeds growth in my field
maybe even before the old flower decay
longed for it, though i yield
caused it lies on the ethical grey

years ago, just before the old flower withering
i have make a "mark" to the flower
hope that after field reopening
she can give me a chance to show her

though i never wish for the reopening
cause all bees hope the flower could find its bee
though i am not sure the mark is worth remembering
but i just want to show the sincerity i could be

Life goes on like this and that
flower wither and decay away
bee longed for this and that
life is turning it away

maybe too many mistakes in the flower field
maybe it's too soon for the bud to know
though for now, i never intend to show
but the bud might have made a shield

though bee think that the flower field has banned him
closed the welcoming door
he is still appreciating a dime
that was given before

never will the bees killed the bud in his mind
always does he hope for the bud to find its bee
though it is not mine
regretful i won't be

a bee in the field become an annoy-er
but all he want is just letting the bud,
become a flower
....

J.L. 2009

Finished 2009 University of London Zone B Examination!

Friday, 22 May 2009



Yesterday i have just finished my last University of London exam for Bsc. in Business Examination. I studied in Singapore Institute of Management (SIM) which offers various of programme from many universities around the world like University of buffalo, RMIT, University of London - LSE, and University of London- Goldsmith.



I tooked 4 subject for my Year 2 Bsc. programme; Principles of Accounting, Principles of Marketing, Introduction to Business and Management, and Managerial Economics.

After entering the first quater of the year, i felt that the most difficult subject is Introduction to Business and Management. Personnally, i know that i am not good on qualitative subject or Essay required subject. Besides having problems with my English, i just couldn't able to come out with good ideas during "exam". i also have some difficulty in memorising people's name. But i believed that i should overcome my weaknesses and this is the main purpose of studying so i tooked this degree and not others such as Bsc. in Economics and finance or Bsc. Mathematics and Economics.

After this years, i feel that i have improved alot in terms of my ability to memorise people's name and putting theories into practice. I personnally think that my IBM (introduction to business and management) exam will be alright. On the other hand, i feel a bit worried for principles of marketing subject because at the day, i am too weak, low in confidence and was not able to concentrate much. I hope i can get a decent marks from principles of marketing examination.

two other subject is a quantitative subject. I think i am able to achived a better marks on that two subject compared to the qualitative one.

Now i am on holiday and am going to enjoy every bits of this holiday to improve myself. Hopefully i can gain something on this almost three months holiday.

Cap Go Meh (Fifteenth Night)

Standing alone on the pedestrian road...
at the side of a city's busy road...
Looking at a single-bright-round moon..
Thinking that it's too soon
for the time to pass by

It's been the twentieth times in my life
Experiencing the full moon vibe
yet happiness hasn't come any near
but still hovering over the cold dark night

Is this a choice or a single way?
i can't just make the time delayed
i thought my heart is beating again
is it just a feeling or a new begins?

Mixed feelings through the nights
is it a dream i should fight?
or is it just another dreams of life?
making me "thinks", i am fine?

I admit that i am flawed, in fact, very
but life is not like a sinking ferry
the mistakes will vanished along with it
but in life you will 4ever bear it

Looking again at the full moon night
wish that it will give me enough light
to guide my way through the jungle
painting over all my bungles....

Why I Can Not "Spell" The Word Study Well?

Three months has passed since i entered the new semester on business administration degree at Singapore Institute of Management (SIM) under the University of London-London School of Economics (UOL-LSE) program. I am taking four subjects for this semester, Principles of Accounting (POA), Principles of Marketing, Introduction to Business and Management (IBM) and Managerial Economics). I think that i am okay with those subjects, in the sense that i think i am interested in those subjects.

My problems is having studied for three months on this new semester, i still couldnot "spell" the word "study" correctly. Everytime i write study, suddenly the word become "browsing", sometimes turned up tobe "gaming", in other occasion can be "leisuring", or even "watching tv/movies". How can i spell it correctly? Is the problems lies internally or externally?


I have tried many different way to learn to spell the word study correctly. I have planned my days, set priorities and timed of studies. Still i do not follow the plan and start procrastinate. then i tried to study every day and close tv but my mind said to me that i need to be more relax. Am i just finding excuses?

Recently, i tried to threatened myself that i will failed the exam if i do not start studying now because my subjects are all very difficult. Marketing need to read news and advertisement everyday. I have to write 4 pages essay for each questions. for IBM, i need to read a lot to add more knowledge, news and others management application. I also need to write 4 pages of essay for each questions in the exam. For Managerial economics, i have to trained alot of questions and until now i haven't do any at home. For POA, although it is not as difficult as the others, i still need to be meticulous in exam and need to trained many questions. This techniques seems to be working for now, but i am not sure for latter date.

Over slept

Today, i woke up at 8.30 am. I go to SIM Pearls Workshop just in front of the place i called "home" here in Singapore at ULU Pandan rd. I finished the workshop at 12 o'clock. After that i go to have a lunch and come back to my little room.

I then feel so sleepy because yesterday i slept at 2.30 am, not extraordinary though because i usually sleep around this time. But because i feel that tomorrow i will have a tough day, i feel like sleeping today.Why tomorrow will be a tough day? i have a lecture in the morning until 12 and then a lecture in the night until 10 pm. Crazy rite? haha...The first night lecture i have ever have.

So i went to sleep. I have never and an evening nap for years. This maybe the first time. I slept at around 1.30 and i planned to sleep for only 2-3 hours. but when i woke up and look at the clock, i saw that the clock pointed to 6.12 pm. Wuah.... So late already but still felt like sleep a bit more. Haha... I managed to woke up and write this post, cek email and others.

Is it a day wasted again? haha...

New semester starts

Last monday was the first day of the semester. I choose to study Principles of Accounting(POA), Introduction to business and Management (IBM), Managerial Economics (ME) and Principles of Marketing. After attending all the lecture this week, i think the most difficult subject will be IBM. The lecture notes only consisted of almost 3000 pages excluded the recommended text books. Horrible but i have no choice because it's a prerequisite subject in my degree. Marketing lecture notes also a bit horrible but if compared with IBM, it's nothing. Marketing lecture notes alone consists of 1000 pages. At the first week of the month, i think managerial economics was relatively easy because we only need to be good at maths and stats to do it.


Two days ago, i received a gift from LSE(London School of economics) director of external study, Mrs. Rosemary Gosling for a good performance in the UOL exam which was meant to be given earlier when she arrange a meeting for us but i was not able to come because i was in Indonesia at that time. It was more like a doll but she said that the gift represent the LSE Symbol. It's a beaver. Here are the pictures :








Forgot what it's name...

Tiredness

It has been a long time since i write my personal thing in this blog. I also wonder when is the last time. Yeah... now i am back to my blog.

Today is Saturday and i woke up at 12.30 p.m. I cooked and eat my lunch, not a lavish lunch or superb cooking just a standart (maybe below standart) cooking. Then i continue to surf for blogs, see what new features other blogs have and try to make it using google, dreamweaver and mozilla. I failed but later i am determined to try again.

At around 5 p.m. i go out to China town, and you can't imagine what i was doing there. "Selling Cakes", there are indonesian bamboo cakes, kue ko sui, sago, and huat kue huan zhu. I was there to help one of my friend because she was asked by her aunt to sell cakes for that day since her aunt and family were going for a relatives wedding dinner. It was quite a nice experience since it is the first time i was being able to sell things directly to customer and speak to different people, from amah, acek , ako, aci, and ang moh ( actually it is the second time, the first time is when i was at SIM selling sweets for charity). Tiring but also fun that's all i can described. We finished at 11 p.m. and then her aunt and uncle came to close the shop. Her aunt and uncle drives us home. I arrived home at 12.15 p.m., took bath at 1 p.m. and ate mie gelas at 1.30 p.m.

Anyway, i will be returning to Indonesia at 27 May 2008, i don't think i can go online and update my blogs frequently, not because there are no internet connection, but because it is not convenience to do it in Indonesia since i can get so much fun back at my home town. hahaha....

The Final Battle

Warriors have gone to the war in the month of may. Three world wars with two going from day till dawn. Many warriors was reported died in the war though not less who survived and even won the wars. Those who think they have survived the three world wars on three different days will now be even more anxious than before because this Final Battle is the toughest of all wars. The war with those who control and owned the earth.

The final battle will began in six days, the exact day is 20th May 2008. Warriors are now preparing themselves because if they failed, it will more likely be Doomsday or Armageddon though if they succeed, they will gain utopia.

Although utopia is nowhere to be found. But i believe utopia is not the physical state but the mind state.


Hope we can win the war! Long Live UOL - Exams Warrior! Let's tackle Sociology!

"If you believe it's easy, it will be easy! but remembered not to underestimate it!"

Want To Study But End Up on Facebook

SIM-UOL Main Exam is coming soon but i haven't start studying seriously. Economics and Principles of Sociology is the subject that i feared the most.

Nine months ago when i started my Diploma in Economics course at SIM UOL, I heard that Sociology is the most dreadful subject but later i found out that i end up struggling for Introduction to Economics too. Preliminary exam result for economics has just out today. Although my score was 52, which is considered good enough for preliminary result, i found out later that my script was actually not marked by Amoz Wilztum which is UOL Main Exam Examiner. He got mentioned earlier that he actually give some of the prelim exam paper to his friend for marking. and he also stated that the marks for those marked by his friends if marked by him, shall be divided by 8. die...

Sociology result has yet to come. I have been so anxiously waiting for it. waiting so see how bad i scored at the prelim...

because of this two subject, i have planned to study hard for this one month so that i can do well in the main exam. But days after days i have end up playing facebook application, heroes, poker, black jack, and battle station. I have becomed addicted to facebook.

I know it is not a right thing to do. I need to control my self, clear my mind, and stay focussed on my aim.

I realized that i should stay focussed from all the temptation from all around me due to some incident that happened on my way back from dinner. I was standing looking blank musing of what my life has gone through in the past, and what will it become in the future. I was thinking whether my past has some sweet memories left or whether i will ever taste sweet moments in the future. Then, a flash of light let me see the name of the condo that i lived in. Suddenly i realized and quickly push the bell so that the bus driver know that he need to stop. From this incident, i know that if i do not stay focussed i might not only be left uneasy in the bus, but i won't have reached my destination. Of course, in the bus story i can easily abroad at next stop and take another bus or walk back to my destination. But in life is different things, time will never tick backwards, life will go on no matter what happened.

Today's Hastiness for nothing

Last night was the last night i spent with my Parents before they returning to Indonesia. They came to Singapore to attend my second brother Graduation Ceremony at the same time visiting me. They came at 4th april and depart back to Indonesia at 7th April Morning. Yesterday, we initially want to eat bak kut teh at Ranggoon Rd (my father's friend introduce him to this place) but unfortunately it has close for it only opened until 3 pm. Then the taxi driver said near there got one famous bak kut teh also at balestier rd and we agree to go there. When we arrived there was a number of people queuing up in front of the restaurant. To my amazement, after we enter the restaurant, i saw many pictures featuring mostly taiwanese superstar with the owner. The superstar included Emil Chow, Chow yun fat, Jaycee chan, 5566, Sian ge, khang2, jay chow and many more. There is also quite a number of singaporean superstar in those photos which was arranged randomly on all of the wall.

After that we go home and have a good rest because my parents flight was on the morning at 6.45, so they need to wake up early to catch the flight.

After sending them to the taxi. i went back to my bed again feeling so sleepy. When i woke up, i saw the sun was so bright and i suddenly remember that i have a class at 1 pm. I get out of my bed quickly and see my alarm clock pointing at 1.15 pm. I was shocked and went to have a quick bath. When i finished bathing, i check my alarm clock again, It still pointing at 1.15 pm. "it's a bit weird", i thought. Then i check the clock on my TV and "witnessed" that it was only 9.30 am. "huh...", i said. What a memorable incident.

New Template for Unique News

I have just finished upgrading my Unique News Blog, giving it new look, and put some additional features or application.

I believe with this new template, that blog will look more professional and neat. Hope my judgment was not wrong.

Tiring to chat???

Today, i chat in msn messenger with two girls. Really tiring.... hahaha... one asked me to join Christianity and explain the same thing which i have heard lots of time. She keep asking me some "trap" questions such as, "why you avoiding Jesus?" or "are you scared" or " i feel so joyful since i now jesus. Repent now...". if you answer such question, you will end up getting trapped. so i choose not to answer.

I have tried to explain to her, "not that i do not believe in Jesus" but this world is not a two dimension, this is the world of 3 dimension or even 4 dimension world, you can not say that you have the absolute true. Everything depends on your point of view. God might be an absolute truth, but your conception of God surely are man made. Your concept of God are made through the process of interpreting bible and Christianity rises at that time to attacked catholicism and their ritual. It is not handed down by God to you, but it was created by a charismatic leader who can make you belief of what he belief.

I also admit one human nature, people select what they belief, no matter what i said she will not digest it, she is just waiting till i said something wrong and took that point to attacked back. Though i feel a bit disappointed cause she is not answering my question but stating that "Jesus love you" for every question. This is an act of brainwashing indirectly. And Christianity often used this kind of act.

I know what i said will have little or even zero effect on her stance. I do not wish her to convert as she had got the feeling of happiness in her religion. I just do not want her to end up being an extremist or fundamentalist. If you want to spread your religion, teach only your God's teachings and do not spread religion by attacking, mocking, ridicule or even make fun of other religion. It is not the way... People who changed heart because of your ridicules or mocks was the people who has no strong stance while the people who have moderate mentality will remain unmoved.

i have met many of people like this trying to convert people by making fun of others religion. Although i have rebuffed their statement they still stay unmoved, this means they have already been brain washed. one example, another guy told me a story that being told at his church. The priest said that he read a book written by a former buddhist monk who convert to Christian. The monks claim that during his deep meditation, he visited hell and saw there a guy being punished severely. Then the monks asked the hell officer who the guy is. the officer said that he is the well known Siddartha Gautama, he was punished here because he do not follow Jesus's teachings. Then after the monk returned from hell, he immediately convert to Christianity.

Then I replied, why don't you asked your priest, "How can siddartha follow Jesus teachings for he was born before Jesus even come to the world?" This one simple statement clearly show that he priest right now is going "wild". I am not saying all priest but at least some of my friend's priest definitely gone "wild" by creating "blind consciousness" to devotee. Even though my friend admit that his priest definitely got it wrong, but he still believe in the priest.

I have tried to ask them to just step out of the box and see the world, also see your religion from many point of view. then you decide if you feel good about it, you are free to step into the box again. but nevertheless, my words are like winds and nobody would like to listen to me because i nobody to them. Imagine if i was standing in the podium as their priest. They will definitely listen.

Tired2... World is changing too fast that makes us hard to get a good grip of it. "blind consciousness" is everywhere. But please remember that i am not anti Christian but some priest (not the religion but priest), use a faulty act, use some unlogic example like the one above, and create a "blind consciousness."


Then the second girl asked me to explain Sociology. then i just playing with her by saying that to learn sociology you must first fall in love with Karl Marx. After a while you realized that he is not the right man for you because he is too materialistic and has a unrealizedable dream to reach communism utopia. You dumped him. Soon you also get know with somebody called Max Weber. but in the opposite direction, you find Weber too pesimistic and talk only no action(idealist). You also dumped him. Then you started to stop searching for boyfriend and begin to think for your own future. You want to be success, means you need to work or set up a company. To work in a company or set up a company, you need to know how things work. then you started to study Organization theory, scientific management, human relations, your ex-weber's concept of bureaucracy, fayol theory and many more. Then you set up a company, your company become a huge success and you start to think big and even bigger. You want your company to conquer the world. So you start to globalized your company and hence, came the theory of globalization. At that time, there are 3 types of person, first, those who said you can not achieve "Globalization"(sceptics), second, the person who said you have already achieve it (Hyperglobalist), and the third, people who come in the middle who said that you are "globalizing".(transformationalist).

This is a short story of Sociology that i told her. haha... whether what i said is valid or not i do not know cause i also not really good at Sociology. Hopefully, it is valid.

Statictics 2 prelim exam result out

Today my prelim exam paper has out. I scored 95 out of 100. I feel really happy because i never think that i could score such a high mark. Anyway, i hope this result do not make me complacent.

Main exam is right in front of me with just one month to go. 8 may 2008 i will start my UOL exam and hopefully i can bring my best to it. One of the most difficult subject is Sociology. I hope i can get at least pass for Sociology. Hopefully, i can get overall at least distinction. haha... abit hyperbole... but anyway, it's my wish.

Realizing i am no more kids

Used to playing with everything. Speaking bombastically every time without even thinking about what i am saying. History had written down how many people that was averse me because of what i am saying. Actually i never meant to hurt anybody, maybe because people misinterpret my meanings. Sometimes people says that my jokes has crossed over the line. I usually do not care about what people think about me. But these past few months as i would said as my "hermitage" months has give me an initiative. I need to change. I know somebody is anti to the word change due to their conservative nature but to me, changing is one of the key features that makes humanity evolves mentally and physically.

Life is not going forever, at least until know still no concrete proof of eternal life, that's why we need to behave. One mistakes could ruin our all life. One wrong steps we might even fall into deep dark valley and could never come back to surface.

With Deepest Sympathy and Heartfelt Condolences
to Mr. Saragih's Family,
on the demise of the father of the family, Mr. Saragih,
my former teacher at Methodist Christian School Siantar,
who has passed away peacefully
on
29 March 2008
at
01.00 (GMT+7)

Love

What is exactly the meaning of love?

Love is a simple word consists of four letters. Dictionary dot com defined love as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. If i were to answer what is love, i honestly said "i do not know."

Love is a word that can turned people upside down, turned human into beast, beast into human, turn good into bad, bad into good, life into death and death into life.

Love changed life of many people, no matter they believed it or not.

But now, i am getting paranoid everytime i heard the word love. Why? i also donot know...
maybe because love has turned me down, turned me into beast, turned me into bad, turned me into death... as now i couldnot feel anything anymore... Heartless...

What to choose next year?

I am currently studying UOL-LSE programme under SIM. Two more months, my final exams will come. After that, i still don't know which degree to choose. Most of my friends have already made up their mind while i am still in limbo. Erwin said he want to take Bsc. in economics and finance, Yohan want to take something related to management, and Darwin seems pretty interested in Bsc. Banking and Finance while i am still wondering.

huh... difficult decisions.... I come to SIM because i get no choice but to enter this course. Now in continuing my study, i encountered many choices. Which option to choose? Is there a best degree? Which subject is applicable which is not? which is important and which is not?

Finished My 2008 Preliminary UOL Exam

I have just finished my UOL preliminary examination today. Overall, I think i can get just "pass" (hopefully), apart from the highest which is distinction. I am quite satisfied with the last two papers Statistics-2 and Mathematics-2 but for the rest, especially economics and Sociology, i am not too sure.

Before exam, i think i would be able to finished maths-2 paper in one and half hour from total of two hour but to my surprised, i finished section A in 29 minutes and spend 32 minutes on section B. After finished, i saw the clock showing "11.01". I raised my hand and gave my answer sheet to the invigilator. I haven't even recheck whether i make some silly mistakes or not. In the end, i found out that i made two mistakes on section A and one in section B. The mistake that i made in section B happened because i forgot to read another additional question on the bottom of the question so i skipped that part. haha... but overall i am satisfied with my maths-2 paper.

Others Photos

own cooked meal


Own Cooked Meal


Holland Village Scenery